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Sometimes I wonder if the Europeans got it right, and we Americans are the biggest hypocrites to walk the Earth. When it comes to total sexual hedonism, what's the best we can do? Vegas? Sure, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Then the itemized bill comes and you can wake the fuck up from that alarm clock buzzer exposing your fantasy life, right then and there. If your wife/girlfriend didn't come with you, better hope your company card can hide the indiscretions. Club Med? Ok, better. Better pick one that doesn't get the plane load o' drunk white guys that show up wherever you are getting your groove on and puke in the hot tub. How about one of those bunny ranches in the desert that cater to your every desire and the proto-p0rno chicks that get pimped out for you, while your flabby ass, love handles, and man boobs show up late night on HBO or Skinemax. No, thank you. I'll stick to taking my vacation, in 15 minute intervals (like I'm sure many American men do), watching other attractive people fuck for a living, while my penis spurts the Earth's population over and over again into kleenexes that will collect in some suburban landfill. 31st century archaeologists digging up American landfills will have a field day, trying to figure out why masturbation had become the new vacation, just 1000 years earlier, and long before the invention of the Orgasmatron (sorry, Woody, I couldn't resist).
Harmony's Hacienda is Evil Empire's answer to a beautiful European villa vacation; 150 minutes of fun, sun, and more fun (esp. for you, did I say that already?), for the active couples on the go and paraplegics, alike. If you can see yourself relaxing in a sunny European villa, maybe get that full body tan you've always wanted, and getting a eucalyptus oil rub 'n' tug from a slim, hot blonde in garters and sparkling white panties, this is the 15 minutes of fame you've been waiting for, right in the privacy of your own home. And if you could see yourself in the morning light, sniffing your testicle sweat, through your mail order soiled panties, clearing the crud from the pump bottle of eucalyptus scented hand lotion, in preparation for a day of beauty, you are one sick motherfucker. But that's why p0rn like this loves you, isn't it?
The flick starts off with a slim Euro brunette, Simony Diamond, arriving by car at this beautiful house, strangely devoid of other guests (for now). Once the white sun dress comes off, replaced by her string bikini, then she checks in with the concierge. Simony rings the bell, but aside from an evil “I’m getting my groove on now, go away” glance at the visiting girl, Stacy Silver, the blonde concierge is checked out, in the back getting her panty-clad nub a rub, squatting over this guy, tied up. It looks so good; you can almost smell the eucalyptus oil mixing it up with that creamy slice of pie. If I had to guess, the guy is the concierge, all naked and vulnerable and the blonde with the great-looking upskirt pussy is his boss, just taking charge, as per usual. Fine with me, I like a boss who runs a tight ship, especially one docked right on some lucky guy’s face. After that, it’s a great looking tug and blow job from under the counter, for that guy, as he squirts a full load onto her white blouse.
Next thing you know, those pesky Euro-lesbos are up to their usual hijinks again, with Eva disrobing Simony and pinching her excellent nipples, poolside. I was surprised that I was into it as it got me ready for the fucking that was about to happen a couple of chairs away. Eva, not like the American flannel and mullet/crew cut dikes, needs some dick and walks over to this guy and just kinda takes it, shooting a glance back at Simony. Who watches and then goes off for her own special purpose, like Ashley Judd's pussy-revealing gown at the Oscars. Lucky for us, we get to stay and watch in incredible detail as she rides the guy into the sunset. Before he's done, Euro cowboy lassos a few thick ropes around Eva's pretty muzzle.
Not to be accused of maintaining white European hegemony in Euro porn, Asian little trinket Libellue writhes around the floor in a tease leading to a gangbang scene. She's a hot minx with some terrific oral therapy for three aroused male patrons, but its dark, so you'll need to supply your own aromatherapy. Anal, DP, sawhorse and sperm is on the treatment plan, and by the looks of it, nothing less than royalty here. Some great action here, and one very short gangbang.
It's time to eat and the cast has assembled in the dining room for a meal of muffin and stuffin'. Sounds healthy doesn't it? I like my muffins with Poppy and so will you as Miss Morgan feasts and gets feasted upon, by the room of horny guests. Simony gets her chow down on the Poppy pudding and eats hungrily at Poppy's strawberry pink spread, so you know she won't go away hungry. Not one to miss out on the dick, Simony strokes a guy off before going back to Poppy who now is getting well fucked. Poppy has a awesome shape and firm body, so seeing her assfucked so hard should make your nuts boil over as her slim frame rattles the dishes. Simony returns for some more loving from Poppy, after all, she is a customer and we find her poking her pink clamato to a frothy finish.
Dora Venter, sporting her gorgeous blonde hair and glasses, is ready for a full service gangbang with about 5 guys. Now, if you like Anabolic’s or RLD”s Gangbangs, this one is the one to LOVE! Dora is an animal and starts off clothed with the guys with their pricks out, getting ready for a blowbang. She goes through the guys like a love machine, sucking, and slurping on each one like it was her only one in the world. Watching Dora, who is so hot, take on each guy in RCG, DP and airtight for so long, must make you realize that Dora is a sexual freak and that scene is worth its weight in Aztec gold, so much so that you are now a born again virgin. And you know how much gold the Aztecs blew on sacrificing virgins. Speaking of which, there is not one position that is better than the total sperming at the end, taking cummy, milky goodness all over her face to the next level. Very hot!!
Not to be outdone by Dora's gangbang, the final scene has Simony jerking off a guy (who is already jerking off, getting his 15 minutes of fame) in a room, then fucking him. Before you know it, another guy enters the room, and another, and another, and Miss Venter, until the room turns into a minidouble gangbang! Wonderful!! Simony has opened up in RCG anal and her tan pussy flayed open for another guy to stick his bloated member in, there's also the dip and dunk as one of the guys gets his dick cleaned by Dora, while assfucking Simony, over and over again (in case you missed it, reaching for another pair of soiled panties to suck on). The scene just smokes as each gorgeous fuck monkey each gets plowed many times by these big gorillas to a gooey facial climax.
The BTS extras are really nice as Dora and guys laugh it up with Simony and Eva, thru various scenes and interviews.
Not too many movies can keep the buildup going beyond a Dora Venter gangbang, so consider taking two of your 15 minute vacations back to back, if you can get two awesome gangbangs in a one tug vacation. Great movie, even better watched with a female friend! I give it a solid (on the high side of) four kleenexes.
Rating:  [4 of 5 Stars!] |
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